What is forgiveness?

Ever wonder what forgiveness really means? I know that it's one of the keys to healing from the abuse that we've suffered. I believe that I've forgiven my abusers, yet, I also know there's a great deal of anger, hurt, shame, feelings of betrayal, etc. still there. So, I don't know if I've truly let it go and forgiven them completely. Any comments you would have on it would be greatly appreciated.

Will it ever end?

As an abuse survivor I ask myself this question more often than not. Will it ever end? Will the emotional pain ever end? Will I ever have a night when it isn't disturbed by nightmares or a day that isn't disrupted by flashbacks? Will I ever be able to go to a store or to other public places and not worry about whether or not I will be able to make go in and not have a panic attack?

I wonder -- this is the torment of being an abuse survivor.

Struggles

I know that there are other survivors out there that have gone through unspeakable abuse. Many of you are continuing to deal with issues in your adult lives. I would like to hear from you and give you the opportunity to share what issues you have faced, how you are coping with the issues. Perhaps, if enough people participate, we can put it together in a book to share with others who are dealing with the results of abuse. It's just a thought. Please don't be afraid to share because I mentioned a book -- if a book were to come of this, everyone will be guaranteed anonimity and the book would be a way off. I hope that you will feel free to share and encourage others to share.

The nightmare never ends

For adults who were traumatized by childhood abuse / sexual abuse, their nightmare never ends. They grow up and escape their abuser, but the scars they received at the time will never heal. They can never recapture the abundant losses that they experienced at the time: loss of innocense, loss of dignity, loss of their virginity, loss of self-respect; and the list goes on. For many of these adults, the fact that they survived is a miracle in itself - many do not survive or commit suicide because they cannot deal with the overwhelming trauma they've experienced. Others who continue to survive, are plagued with nightmares and flashbacks and feel as though they are continually broken and that no one can fix them. They feel that they are very alone and that no one can understand the forever pain that they feel.

This is the legacy that we leave for those who are victimized by abuse. It must be stopped.

What can victims do to help themselves?

There are times when the emotions and pain associated with a rape or sexual assault can be overwhelming. These feelings can come immediately after the assault or many years later. The following are things that you can do to help take care of yourself as you recover from the assault that you experienced.

• Make yourself a cup of tea, or a soothing warm drink.
• If it is safe to do so, go for a walk.
• Spend time talking with a trusted friend or family member.
• Take a bath.
• Spend time with a favorite pet.
• Workout, exercise helps to increase your bodies production of endorphins which help you to feel better.
• Read a favorite book.
• Write in your journal.
• Find a creative outlet- music, painting, writing poems, etc.
  Sign up for a self-defense course- it may help you to feel more in control.
• Eat healthy food
• Most importantly, remind yourself that it is alright for you to feel these emotions, they are normal reactions to an abnormal event.

There are also some things that victims of rape or sexual assault do to cope that are better to avoid:

• Relying on alcohol or drug use.
• Disclosing personal information in chat rooms or blogs.
• Seeking out situations in which you feel unsafe.
• Taking actions that undermine your self-worth.
• Using food and unhealthy eating as a way to control your body and emotional state.
• Inflicting harm on your body.
• Blaming yourself for what happened.

Remember that whether the rape happened to you as an adult or as a child, it was not your fault. You are not alone. There are many people who want to be there for you if you will let them - take it slow and let yourself heal physically and emotionally.

Abused children become Anxious Adults

Statistics have proven that children who suffer abuse as they are growing up become adults with anxiety disorders and suffer from post traumatic stress (PTSD). In a survey of over 4000 people, 82% suffer from some type of anxiety related to childhood abuse. The worse the abuse, the stronger the risk in people to develop this maladies.

Over a quarter of a million Americans will develop PTSD at some point in their lives after being victimized or witnessing violence or other tramatic events. The major categories contributing to this number are surviors of child abuse, and the rates go much higher for war veterans.

These things should tell us that we have to do something to stop child abuse. It is unfair to our children to steal away their innocense in childhood to face the cruelty of abuse and then to be hit with a double whammy of anxiety disorders and PTSD as the aftermath of their survival. Will anyone speak for those who cannot speak for themselves?

April is Sexual Assault Prevention Month

April is the month that is set aside as National Sexual Assault Prevention Month. My question to you is what are you doing to help prevent sexual assaults? The statistics are staggering: in 2006, almost 250,000 victims of sexual assault - that means there's a sexual assault every 1-2 minutes. Over 60% of sexual assaults are never reported - either because of fear, embarrassment or whatever the reason. The saddest of all these statistics is that only 6% of rapists that are caught and prosecuted will ever spend one day in jail. (These statistics were taken from www.RAINN.org 's website).

I hope these statistics stir something within you as they did me and that we will work together to do all we can to stop this ever growing violation against men, women, and children.